


Small Talk

by goblinmayo



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Marriage, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 19:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21481546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinmayo/pseuds/goblinmayo
Summary: “I can't help thinking that if I had asked her to drive, or if she hadn't been sleeping she’d still be alive,” He choked, looking at the ground. “If I had pushed it, leaned across the console  and kissed her, she might still be alive. If I had made small talk for two more minutes, she might still be alive,”--shout out to the clowns gc for the MASSIVE help :)
Relationships: Bobby/Main Character (Love Island), Chelsea/Main Character (Love Island), Gary/Lottie (Love Island), Lottie/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Small Talk

“You know, I'm really glad you came,” Bobby said, opening the car door. He looked at MC, who stood on the other side of the car. “It would’ve been really dull without you,” She smiled, looking away briefly.

  
“I had a lot of fun, really,” She opened her car door and got in as Bobby did the same. She looked at him in the car’s dim yellow lighting. “It was like motivational speaking but for bakers, ten out of ten,” He laughed for a moment. “And not to mention, the keynote speaker was really hot,” She commented, a hint of mischief in her voice. He smiled and puffed his chest dramatically,

  
“He knows,” They both leaned back into their seats smiling. She leaned across the center console to kiss his cheek, “You did great, babe,” She added, intertwining her hand with his.

  
“I’m really glad that you enjoyed it, you’re the only critic I really care about,” He replied, pulling out of the parking lot. She chuckled and shook her head, somewhat starry-eyed.

  
“How long until we’re home?” She asked, her question punctuated with a loud yawn.

  
“About an hour, I’d say,” He stared out onto the open highway. “You’re tired?” She turned onto her side, facing him.

  
“Just a bit,” She admitted, giggling softly. “Wake me when we’re close,” She tucked her face into her shoulder and shut her eyes. “I love you” She whispered.  
“I love you too,” he replied, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

Bobby glanced down at the clock, the green digital numbers cut through the darkness, the rest of the dashboard dark. He smiled to himself as he watched it tick over from 11:59 to 12:00. He watched as a pair of far off headlights swerved wildly into the opposite lane before straightening out, his foot hovered cautiously over the brake. He carefully watched the headlights rapidly grew larger and more bright. Time seemed to slow as the headlights crossed the centerline. Bobby thought maybe if he swerved he could avoid it. He jerked the wheel hard, stomping the break with such rigor that his foot stung. He looked to MC, her sleepy eyes now wide with shock as the car collided with the passenger side.

Bobby tried his hardest to ignore the constant, yet somewhat comforting pain that spanned over his arm as he gestured with his right hand to his shoulder. “I had to get reconstructive surgery on my shoulder. It’s got a few pins now,” He opened his jacket, exposing the plaster texture around his ribcage, visible through his thin dress shirt. “My arm was totally crushed,” He pointed to his upper arm and forearm in the sling. “Everything except my hand. My ring finger got broken pretty badly though,” An uneasy silence fell over the group he was chatting to, distant relatives of hers, family friends. He glanced down at the wedding ring on his right hand, struggling to keep his composure. “This cast is supposed to keep my shoulder in place while also easing some of the pressure on the ribs I broke,” He ran a finger over the bandages on his forehead that were supposed to be forcing the cut there closed. “A concussion, too, but you could have guessed that,” As the group disbanded they offered gentle hugs and whisperings of condolences. He forced up the same fake smile he had been wearing for the past week and a half. The group had splintered off into two or three smaller ones. A few moved on to talking to another person, someone easier to talk to, he was sure. He pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat, attempting to shuffle away the lump that had been forming there. He closed his jacket. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned to see MC’s mother in a state of disrepair he hadn’t seen since his first night in the hospital. She had been fairly good at putting up the front that Bobby himself had perfected long before this.

  
“How are you holding up?” She asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. He took a moment to formulate his response.

  
“Exactly how you’d expect,” He settled on. She wrapped her arms carefully around him. They felt jarringly similar.

  
“I’m not hurting you, am I?” He shook his head.

  
“No,” She stayed there for a minute as Bobby embraced her the best he could with his good arm. She pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes. “I’m going to try and get a bit of air,” He said, his own eyes beginning to prickle with tears. She took a deep breath.

  
“I’ll be here if you need me,” She rubbed her hand over his arm and reluctantly walked away. He scanned the room again, the dark red walls and heavy curtains making it seemingly darker. The amber wood accents reminded him of the decorative living room of grandparents house, a memory that formed a pit in his stomach. The room was entirely lit by yellow faux daylight beaming from the brass chandeliers. Finally, his eyes fell on the polished hardwood stairs tucked into the corner of the room. He made his way across the room, gently moving people out of the way as they gave hushed whispers of acknowledgement. He breathed a sigh of relief as the stairwell revealed itself to be empty. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lottie, Gary and Chelsea talking, the shared feeling of sorrow reflected in their postures. He quickly turned into the stairwell, trudging up the stairs and hoping they hadn’t seen him. He tried his best to ignore the sharp pain in his side.

  
He stood at the top of the stairs and looked around. There was only one door, minus the utility closet that seemed to have had the door removed long ago. He ventured to it, turning the door knob. He pushed open the door, revealing a small bathroom. Every aspect of it matched the drab Victorian architecture of the rest of the building, except the newly replaced porcelain sink. He stepped in and shut the door behind him, trying to make as little noise as possible. He took a gasping breath as an enormous wave of relief washed over him. He gripped the side of the sink as the hot tears that had been accumulating over the past few hours finally spilled down his cheeks. A broken sob reverberated through the small room as he stared down into the sink, his vision blurring and clearing every time he blinked. He looked up and scanned the door for a lock, his fingers shaking as he fumbled with the small, metal latch at the top of the door. He avoided his own gaze in the mirror as he resumed his hunched position over the sink, it felt so good to finally let his guard down. He watched his tears spill into the sink and run down the drain as he wiped his mouth, the newly familiar pain in his chest almost debilitating.

  
“Fuck,” He whispered in between sobs. The door rattled. “There’s another bathroom downstairs,” He announced, his voice hoarse. There was a tense pause as neither person spoke.

  
“Bobby?” It was Chelsea. Her voice sounded smaller and weaker than he had remembered it. She sniffled.

  
“I'll come and find you later,” He choked. She paused, as if considering.

  
“People are looking for you,” She responded quietly.

  
“I know!” He shot back, sobbing. "I can't go back down there,"

  
“Bobby let me in. You don’t have to do this alone,” She said, resting a hand on the door. Suddenly, it dawned on him how real it all was. This is happening, he reminded himself. Before this, she could’ve been in the next room over, but now it felt as if it was finally set in stone. This is MC’s funeral. She’s not coming back.  
“Oh god. Oh my god,” He breathed, slowly lowering himself to the ground. He felt his heart thumping in his chest as his breathing quickened, wheezing slightly.  
“Bobby please,” She pleaded, crouching in front of the door. His hand darted to his side.

  
“Ow, ow,” He whimpered, tears still streaming down his face.

  
“Bobby,” She was crying.

  
“It’s just my rib. I’m okay,” He insisted, Chelsea readjusted so she was sitting on her knees. Gary appeared at the top of the stairs, Lottie followed closely behind.

  
“Chelsea!” Gary rushed over, seeing her crumbled in front of the door. “Are you okay?” He hovered above her uncertainly, she shook her head.

  
“Bobby’s in there,” Gary looked to her, then to the door, quickly. She felt her lower lip trembling. “He keeps hurting himself,” She wiped her face.”He keeps hurting his ribs and he won’t let me in, and” She sobbed softly, struggling to keep her composure enough to keep speaking. “I never thought this would be happening,” Gary placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, as she cried softly. He could hear Bobby’s labored breathing through the door.

  
“His ribs?” Lottie piped up. “I haven’t seen him,” Gary nodded.

  
“I talked with his mother earlier today,” He gestured down his arm, his voice lowered. “His whole arm is broken, basically. His shoulder hit so hard the window cracked. At first, they wanted to give him a shoulder replacement but they were able to salvage it mostly. They gave him several pins and a plate,” He cleared his throat, wiping his eye with his palm. “He cracked three ribs on impact, his hand hit so hard his wedding ring snapped the bone clean in half,” He explained. Lottie covered her mouth, her eyes glistening with tears. She immediately threw her arms around Gary, her eyes closed tightly. A moment later, she pulled away and took a deep breath. If she had been wearing makeup it had been wiped off long before this.

  
“Bobby, we love you so much,” Gary said, leaning in towards the door.

  
“We just want to support you,” Lottie offered, her voice quivered slightly. “Please come out,” Gary ran his hand over the door lightly, scanning it. The door was thin, it had warped over the years and didn’t quite fit the frame any more.

  
“I bet I could take the door off the hinges,” He whispered. “I’ve got a swiss army knife in the car,” Chelsea swatted at his leg.

  
“What? No!” She objected, her voice gravely and shrill. “I don’t know what the answer is but I know it’s not that,” She sniffled loudly. “If this hurts this badly for me, I cannot fathom how horrific this is for him. Forcing him out is not the thing to do,” She could hear Bobby’s soft crying. She took a deep breath, fighting back tears of her own. There was a soft creak as someone began to walk up the stairs.

  
“Lottie? Gary? I saw you come up here and I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” There was a pause as Gary sighed “Yeah, we’re both okay, Noah,” Gary answered reluctantly. “I don’t know if it's the best time, though” He called out as Noah appeared at the top of the stairs. He took a step back at the sight of them all huddled around the doorway, Chelsea on the floor.

  
“I'll go,” Noah volunteered. “Seriously, If you need me I’ll come back, but,”

  
“Then stay,” Chelsea choked, still staring at the ground. “You might actually know what to do,” He shifted uncomfortably,

“I don’t know, Chelsea,” He said, joining the group around the door. “You want a hand up?” Noah asked, extending his hand. Chelsea nodded silently towards the door.

  
“This is where I want to be right now,” She looked up at Noah. He seemed nervous in a way she had never seen before. He fidgeted with his thumb.

  
“Bobby’s locked himself in there,” Gary whispered, Lottie still perched on his arm. “Chelsea’s been trying to get him to come out for a while. I offered to try to force the door open but she didn’t want me to,”

  
“You offered to take the door off the hinges,” Lottie retorted. Noah shook his head.

  
“He has to come out on his own terms, I mean, right?” Chelsea slumped her shoulders as Noah continued to speak. “The least we can do is respect his wishes,” The sounds of people whispering downstairs travelled up the stairs as the narrow hallway fell silent.

  
“Then for god's sake, please just leave me alone!” Bobby yelled through the door, his voice wet with tears. They stood silently for a moment, Gary squeezed Lottie’s arm. Noah touched Chelsea’s back and motioned for her to stand up, she shook her head quickly.

  
“Please,” Noah whispered, bending down towards her slightly.

  
“We had plans!” Bobby slammed his fist against the bathroom floor, making Chelsea jump. “We were going to retire to Amsterdam after everyone had forgotten about us and live in one of those houses along the canals and write stupid poetry,” a wheezing sob tumbled from his lips. “It kills me that I have to go home without her. I don’t know how to put into words how it feels to get a piece of yourself ripped from you so suddenly. In a matter of seconds my whole world was shattered. I mean it when I say that I hope you never feel pain like this,” He studied the piece of wall art hung on the wall across from him as he leaned against the door, a cheaply printed flower. “It’s physical pain. I feel it in my chest, up the back of my neck and in my jaw when it gets to be too much. It’s also the weight of knowing I’ll never be able to hold her again or hear her laugh when I tell a stupid joke. She’s never going to steal my t-shirts again or give me shit about my socks on the floor, I can’t take that eventually the house will stop smelling like her and I’ll stop finding her lipstick stained coffee cups. I don’t want her to disappear,” the back of his throat ached as he exhaled shakily. “I know everyone says this, but it’s the little things that really hurt the most.” Slowly, he stood up. The old floor creaked underneath him. He studied his face in the mirror, his tired eyes bloodshot, his cheeks splotched with red.

  
Chelsea scrambled off the floor as she heard the floor creak on the other side of the door. Her face was streaked where her tears had run, she leaned forward slightly. Bobby unlocked the door, his hand hesitated on the old brass knob. He sighed and twisted the door knob, pushing the door open. He stood in the open doorway, looking to each of his friends faces one by one. They showed varying degrees of emotion. Concern, regret, he was almost shocked at the pain written on Chelsea’s face, Noah’s signature poker face aimed at the ground. Bobby flashed a sad smile. Chelsea’s hands shook slightly as she took a step towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. She leaned into his chest silently, carefully avoiding his injured arm. He wrapped his good arm around her, squeezing her tightly. He shut his eyes, trying his best to ignore the tears scalding his eyes. He looked over Chelsea’s head at Gary, who shot him an apologetic look. Lottie could barely look at him before she buried her face in Gary’s arm, Noah’s gaze stayed fixated at the ground. They each sneaked quick glances to each other, Lottie bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

  
“All day, I’ve been trying to perfect what I was going to say to you right now, but now that I’m here with you and it’s real,” Gary gestured to the group, Noah wiped his eyes hastily. “I need to say, I’m sorry. That’s what it boils down to, I am so, so sorry,” Lottie nodded in agreement

  
“We can’t go back in time, no matter how badly we all want to. All we can do is be there for each other, and god knows we all need it,” She said, looking at Bobby directly for the first time.

  
“It’s the least we can do” Noah added quietly. Bobby stared down into Chelsea’s hair for a moment before releasing her, she reluctantly moved back into the group.

  
“I got tears on your jacket,” She whispered, pointing feebly to his chest. He shook his head.

  
“Don't worry about it,” Bobby told her, trying his best to sound normal. He cleared his throat. “I’m not expecting you to make small talk, I know you’re in pain too,” He glanced to Chelsea who was trying to put herself back together. “You’re my best friends, you deserve to know,” Bobby said, trying to convince himself it was okay to tell them. There was no reason to keep it a secret. Noah threw Gary a worried look. “MC was pregnant,” Bobby spat, his eyes welling with tears. Chelsea made a loud choking noise and leaned forward on to her knees. Lottie peeled herself off of Gary and rushed towards Chelsea, standing her up and wrapping her in a tight embrace. Chelsea’s shoulders shook as she sobbed in Lottie’s arms, a hand clapped over her mouth, tears rolled silently down Lottie’s cheeks. Gary leaned against the wall, his palms covering his eyes. Noah held his arms open for Bobby, breathing raggedly. Bobby shuffled to Noah, letting him wrap his arms gently around him. There was a chorus of soft crying as he felt Noah cup the back of his head.

  
“I’m so sorry, Bobby” He whispered. Bobby blinked slowly as a tear rolled down his face. He could hear Chelsea whimper.

  
“We didn’t even get to tell anyone,” He replied softly. “After the crash it kind of just faded into the background. Everyone wanted me to answer questions without any regard to my wellbeing. I was still coming out from anesthesia and they wanted to know about our life insurance policy and if I remembered what color the car was. Not one person outside of my family asked if I was okay,” Lottie was attempting to calm Chelsea to little avail, she whispered something in her ear. “Around five or six in the morning, I don’t know,” He paused for a moment, Gary wiped his face and looked at him, listening. “It was a few hours after I got out of surgery. A young doctor came in with a grief counselor and kicked both of our mothers out of the room, my dad and hers had left earlier to go talk somewhere else. They sat down next to my bed asked if I knew that she was pregnant. I couldn’t breathe, of course I knew. We had already been through the throws of morning sickness together, we picked out paint colors. Right now, I can pull up a list of baby names we liked,” He gestured to the pocket where his phone was stored. “It felt like a punch in the gut for them to assume neither of us knew,” He shook his head at the ground, trying to calm himself down. “They both just looked at me for a while, I wanted to say something but I was still totally reeling,” He took a long pause. “The most I could do was nod. I remember the way both of their shoulders relaxed when I said yes, I know it was relief, but it just made it hurt worse. And I know they had to do it but it felt like they were grinding salt into the wound,” He didn’t make an effort to conceal his pain as he wept onto Noah’s chest “They couldn’t just let me forget that I lost the baby too,”

  
“Hey, hey it's okay,” Noah whispered.

  
“It’s not,” Chelsea scoffed under her breath.

  
“I had to beg them to let me tell our parents. They didn’t want me to, which, for the record, I get. I was literally sedated, in shock and on like ten different pain killers but I didn’t want them to hear it from some impersonal doctor. The doctor tracked down all four of them for me and brought them back to the room. Having to tell both of our parents was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I actually don’t remember it too clearly, I just remember how quiet the room got before hearing her father start to cry. I remember wishing she was there,” Bobby swallowed hard as he awaited a response, he peeled himself off of Noah, who looked at him with slight concern. “I over shared, I know, but I really needed to get it off my chest,” Gary stood up off of the wall and stepped forward and wrapped one arm around Bobby.

  
“C’mere you big lug,” he leaned down to whisper in his ear “You know we’ve got you right? Always,” Bobby nodded, looking down.

  
“I know, Gaz, I kn-,”

  
“How far along was she?” Lottie asked in a whisper, still cradling Chelsea in her arms. Gary stood back, allowing him to speak. Bobby stared at his hands.

  
“Seventeen weeks,” Bobby stated, his demeanor slightly lighter, as if a switch was flipped. “She was still really tiny, you could only really tell if she was wearing tight clothes,” He took a shaky breath, his eyes and throat burned as he fought back tears. “She would whisper in my ear at night when she could feel the baby move,” a small smile formed in the corner of his mouth as he wiped his eyes. “It was the happiest I had been in a long time,” He admitted and laughed lightly through his tears, his hand flit quickly to his side. “She wanted peanut butter on everything,” He shook his head, his smile quickly faded. He thought for a moment. “What’s today’s date?” He asked, but continued speaking before anyone could answer. “We were supposed to find out the gender two days ago,” He slapped his hand against his thigh, turning his palm up. “Crazy how everything can change, huh?” There was a murmur of general sympathy, he could see each of them struggling to process the information. Noah stood with his arms crossed, Gary with his eyebrows pressed together. Lottie and Chelsea both had their eyes closed as they leaned into each other's embrace.

  
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Chelsea squeaked, heavy tones of hurt in her weak voice.

  
“We didn’t tell anyone, Chels. No one knew until after…” Bobby trailed off, unable to bring himself to say it. “She wanted to tell you, so badly. We kept it to ourselves because her family has a history of miscarriages, really, that’s it. When we hit the end of the first trimester we decided it was okay to tell a few people, but we never got around to it. It would’ve been easier to skip over to your house and tell you,” He looked around the disheveled group, “all of you, but we agreed that we needed to tell our parents first. We were looking for the perfect time to tell everyone but we should’ve known that the perfect time doesn’t really exist,” The hallway buzzed as no one spoke. “I mean, I thought we had all the time in the world,”

Bobby wrinkled his nose as they walked out of the main doors, the cold already burning his fingertips, Noah had his arm around him loosely. As they looked out into the parking lot their four cars, plus MC’s parent’s were the only ones left, scattered in front of the building. They stood idly outside the old Victorian building.

  
“Thanks for staying so late, you guys,” Bobby offered.

  
“Its nothing,” Gary responded, squeezing Lottie’s arm.

  
“Seriously, there's nowhere I’d rather be,” Chelsea admitted, Noah just smiled.

  
“I think I’m going to try to excuse myself from the spotlight, become a school teacher, work in a diner kitchen or something. I’ve been given some perspective and I just don’t think life under the public eye is for me anymore, you know?” Bobby asked, looking to the rest of the group. Lottie nodded.

  
“Having followers is nice, but I think it's probably the most I could take,”

  
“They only see what you want them too, which I think is probably the best part,” Chelsea continued, clasping her hands together. Bobby shook his head.

  
“I really appreciate how good you guys have been to me today. It really felt like you were trying to make it easy for me, and I wanted to thank you, just please don’t tell anyone about the baby. If it’s going to get out I want it to be on my own terms at least,” He looked to Noah. “You can tell Hope, if you’d like,” Bobby tacked on hastily.

  
“Pfft” Noah scoffed through his teeth, “I haven’t spoken to Hope in months. I don’t think it's going to leave this circle,”

  
“Oh, Im sorry, I didn’t know,” Bobby apologized. Gary stared at Noah, shocked.

  
“I had no idea,” Gary added, looking to Chelsea, who shook her head.

  
“Me either,” Noah smiled, his eyes glinting under the moonlight.

  
“I guess we all have our secrets,” He leaned in towards Bobby and gave him a quick hug. “Call me if you need a friend, or a good book to read,” He smiled. “It gets lonely,” He squeezed Bobby’s shoulder and turned to walk away, waving.

“And then there were…” Chelsea paused for a moment.

  
“Four, there were four,” Gary finished.

  
“You think I can’t count to four?” She smiled. “I was trying to remember If I got the grammar right,”

  
“In classic Chelsea fashion,” Lottie added, squeezing her hand. “Listen Bobby, The UK is not that big. We’re in Glasgow the second you need us, you got that?” She asked, her eyebrows raised.

  
“I got it,” Bobby responded.

  
“Good,” Gary answered, giving him a strong hug.

  
“Arm” Bobby reminded him, muffled by Gary’s body. “And my rib, ow” Gary let go hurriedly.

  
“Sorry,” He breathed. Bobby smiled, shaking his head. Lottie reached up and hugged him gingerly.

  
“I'm so sorry,” She whispered as she pulled away. “Bye Chelsea!” Lottie called back as She and Gary walked away, hand in hand. Bobby and Chelsea watched as Gary said something to Lottie just out of earshot. She wiped her face, they embraced.

Bobby felt a familiar tugging at his heartstrings as he glanced down at Chelsea. She smiled faintly at the ground.

  
“I'm glad to see you all smiley,” He teased, causing her to look up.

  
“I could say the same about you,” She replied. Bobby listened to the sounds of the night, lost for words.

  
“I hate referring to her in the past tense,” He whispered. “Every time I say ‘she was’ something I get this pain in my chest, like my brain telling me ‘that's not right’,” Chelsea frowned.

  
“I know,”

  
“I can't help thinking that if I had asked her to drive, or if she hadn't been sleeping she would’ve given me the good sense to pull over and she’d still be alive,” He choked, looking at the ground. “If I had pushed it, leaned in and kissed her, she might still be alive. If I had made small talk for two more minutes, she might still be alive,”

  
“Bobby…” She whispered. He could hear the strain in her voice as she forced back tears. “You cannot blame yourself,” she stressed. “You can’t. Blame the monster who was driving 110 drunk on the highway, not yourself,” She pleaded, grimacing as she saw a tear slide down his cheek. “There is nothing you could’ve done,”

  
“I know, but I think pretending that it I could’ve prevented it is easier than accepting that it was completely random. There has to be a reason she was taken from me,” He said softly. Chelsea sighed.

  
“It's not easy but I think we’ll both get there eventually,” She whispered, trying her best to sound reassuring, even if she wasn’t sure she believed it herself. Bobby glanced over her shoulder at his parents talking, MC’s parents stood across from them, speaking in hushed tones. He could see the tears in Chelsea’s light eyes. She leaned in and threw her arms around his neck, almost catching him off guard. “I love you so much,” She whispered “Don’t hesitate to call me if you need me, I mean that,”

  
“Be careful what you wish for, Chels,” He quipped as she flashed a sad smile. She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

  
“Don’t think that I won’t be calling you too,” She added as she started to retreat to her car. Bobby waved solemnly as she opened her car door. He watched as she eased into her seat, leaning forward onto the steering wheel as her shoulders began to shake. As the interior lights of her car faded he could only see a faint motion behind the now dark car windows.

He turned, hastily wiping tears of his own as he jerked open the car door, sliding in next to his large hospital bag. He closed the door softly, positioning himself over the bag as he unzipped it. He dug through the bag, finally producing a small plastic bag. He opened it, and breathed a sigh of relief as his fingers closed around the cool metal. He turned MC’s wedding ring over in his hand a few times, smiling softly. He leaned carefully into the seat, pressing his head against the headrest. He shut his eyes and pressed the ring against his chest, hot tears rolling down his face.

Bobby stood on the edge of a dirt path, looking out onto the open knoll. At his side, he held a bouquet of flowers he had purchased at the grocery store this morning. Carefully, he lowered himself to the ground.

  
“Hey. A lot happened this week. I had a whole list of things I wanted to tell you about but I can’t really remember most of them right now, my memory’s totally gone to shit recently. Dr. Roberts says that it’s just a side effect of one of my new medications, ironically, I can’t remember which one. She says that about a lot of things, it’ll get better, but it’s been a year and it hasn’t. It still hurts as much as it did on the first day. It’s maddening how quickly the world seems to move on when you’re stuck. Oh!” He shook his head. “My birthday was on Tuesday. It started out fun, Chelsea invited everyone from the show, even Hope, but she didn’t wind up showing. As the night went on, though, it just got harder and harder without you. Chelsea was making “30, flirty and thriving” jokes all night, but in my opinion, I would’ve much rather had you making fun of me for being old.” He shook his head, laughing slightly. “I’m 30, arthritic and living with PTSD, but you know how it is. Chelsea got drunk and sad, and I was already drunk and sad so by the end of the night it was just a bunch of grown adults crying on our kitchen floor reminiscing of when they all shared a bedroom,” He paused for a moment, listening to the birdsong coming from the tall tree behind him. “The adoption process is going well, I’d say. I met with this really nice young girl. She saw our season of the show, which was nice, I guess. She seems to like me even though I think she could tell I was crying right before I came in. She’s supposed to call me if she wants to do further interviewing, but I don’t know, a lot of mothers don’t like the idea of me because I’m single, but,” He shrugged. “I think you’ll be a good namesake, whenever the time does come,” He smiled to himself. “I’m driving again, which is cool, I think. For the first time, Gary isn’t waiting in the car to drive me back home,” He scooped the wilted bouquet of flowers off the grass. “Our anniversary is coming up, which I don’t know if I’m looking forward to, but I’ll be here, so I'm hoping that might make it easier,” He laid down the fresh bouquet and stood up. “This time next week?” he asked, smiling at his own stupid joke. He stared down at the shiny marble gravestone. _You never quite get used to it._ “I love you, bye,” He whispered, laying a hand on the warm top of the stone. He walked back to the car, glancing over the sea of other gravestones, frowning slightly. He exhaled deeply as he put on his seatbelt. He took a deep breath as he put the car back in drive, pressing his foot lightly on the gas. He watched in the rear view as the brightly colored supermarket flowers faded to a pinprick in the green landscape, then nothing.


End file.
